Hammer City Roller Girls

Age ain’t nothing but a number, except when you’re a Hammer City Roller Girl on Sunday September 9.

For the first and only time this season, Hammer City’s skaters will compete against each other in an outdoor showdown of Olympic proportions: the GOLDEN OLDIES vs. the BRONZE BABIES. Don’t let the youthful faces fool you – the Babies have a lot of skaters with many, many seasons under their precocious belts. And trust us, the Oldies aren’t resting on their laurels. They’re a well-oiled machine loaded with wisdom and caginess.

Mean Little Mama and the Forest City jammer as they start the tie-breaking final jam

The Hammer City Roller Girls treated the mighty town of Dundas to a couple of white-knuckle, nail-biter bouts on August 18, 2012 that ensured a winning home season record for both the Eh! Team and the Harlots.

The Hammer City Eh! Team battled it out with the Forest City Derby Girls (London, ON) in the first bout of the evening, and what a battle it was!

The Eh! Team held a mere 10-ish point lead throughout the majority of the bout although the ladies from Forest City were able to take over the lead a few times before the teams found themselves in a 106-106 tie at the end of regulation time.

The odds in the final, tie-breaking jam were stacked against the Eh! Team with a blocker in the box while the jammer, Mean Little Mama, was one minor penalty away from a stint in the box as well.  Mama managed to emerge from the pack almost immediately after the jam began while Bitchslap Barbie, Dicey and Marmageddon held the Forest City jammer in an impenetrable wall.  A devastating jammer helmet cover fumble by the Forest City jammer rendered her unable to score for part of the jam and a subsequent trip to the penalty box gave Mama and the Eh! Team the chance to rack up 17 additional points to win the game 123-108.

Mama wasn’t the only mean jamming machine on the rink that night.  Ginger Wilde, Dicey, Scooby Doom, and JJ Bladez also demonstrated their fancy jammer footwork to rack up an impressive number of points throughout the bout considering the solid defense thrown their way by the Forest City pack.

Blockers Little Red Rollerhood, Miss Carriage, Oh! Henry, Wild Rice, Bam Bam Bigelow, Bitchslap Barbie, Peppermental, Whacks Poetic and Marmageddon threw up walls, hacked open holes, and delivered earth-shattering hits for their jammers to exploit.

“It was a hard-hitting, physical game”, said Dicey, the Eh! Team’s bout MVP. “It was the most physical bout we’ve had this season… [Forest City] are a tough, fun team to play and I’m looking forward to facing them again in the future”.

Bean Stalker keeping the Belles' jammer at bay

The second bout featured a clash between the Hammer City Harlots and the Belles of the Brawl (Brantford, ON) that was equally as heart-thumping and well-matched as the first bout of the evening.

The Harlots jumped to a quick lead as the Belles, aided by some borrowed skaters from London and Guelph’s Royal City Roller Girls, found their footing.  The Harlots and Belles traded leads many times over the latter half of the first period and throughout the majority of the 2^nd period.  In the latter part of the 2^nd half the Harlots suffered the loss of jammer, Scooby Doom, who played in both bouts of the evening before succumbing to a knee injury.  Back-up jammer, Wild Rice, who also played in the first bout was then ejected from the game after too many trips to the penalty box.

It was all hands on deck for the Harlots as they struggled to hold their lead against the Belles late in the 2^nd period.  The last minutes of the game were plagued by trips to the penalty box by the Harlots. The ejection of a key player from the Belles squad gave the Harlots the edge they needed to pull ahead in the last minutes to win the bout with a score of 151-133.

Jammers Abba Stabya, Fista Krusher, and Lucky Lady Pearl used their stellar juking and dodging skills to get around the Belles’ brick wall blockers.

Blockers Biggie Falls, Typhoid Maggie, Bettie Shreds, Taco Bella, Dymond Crush-Her, Bean Stalker, Skarla, Daisy Dynamite, and Whacks Poetic (who also played in both bouts) kept the formidable Belles’ jammers at bay with all the right moves.

“Brantford has some really hard hitters, but our solid walls and quick feet kept us competitive”, said Fista Krusher, bout MVP for the Harlots, “We won the game, but the Belles made us earn it”.

For more Hammer City derby action, check out the Eh! Team’s bout against GTA Rollergirls’ G-sTARs at Ted Reeve Arena in Toronto on August 25^th.  You can also catch all the Hammer City ladies in action against each other during their upcoming Olympic-themed public scrimmage on September 9th at Pier 8 in Hamilton where the Golden Oldies (Hammer City derby girls who have some silver in their hair) will take on the Bronze Babies (Hammer City derby girls who are on the younger side of the divide or who just simply prefer to lie about their age).

On May 26 2012 seven local comedians took the stage in support of HCRG at Route 66 in Hamilton. This was the first comedy fundraiser put together by HCRG and the event came together as well as we could have hoped! The comedians were hilarious, the drinks flowed and it was great to see that a good time was had by one and all!

Between Zak’s ongoing and amazing spiel detailing what it’s like to still be a virgin (and making many requests to rectify his situation with one or many of our lovely roller girls, to no avail), and Gavin going head to head with a lone heckler – and coming out victorious (to the delight of the crowd), the laughs and good times just kept coming.

Numerous prizes were up for grabs with our raffle, and one of the most sought after wins was the door prize to see Helix later that Night –compliments of This Ain’t Hollywood. The best prize available and one that received the most jokes, was an amazing professional teeth whitening certificate. Not only was this one of the highest priced and popular prizes, but the jokes about the relevance of the prize given the area of town, were hilarious. We definitely gave the comedians more material to work with on the fly. Needless to say the winner of that raffle was more then red in the face when he received his prize.

The comedians were excited to support Hammer City’s Wheeled Warriors – all dawning the HCRG shirts we gave as a thank you. Everyone, comedian, patrons, fans staff and our Roller girls had an amazing time. The event drew a crowd that spanned from Toronto to Welland!!

Our enormous thanks goes out to everyone that donated prizes for our raffle and the amazing staff at Route 66. A special thank you to all the comedians that came out: Mayce Galoni, Zak McDonald, Doug Nagy, Ashley Moffatt, Anthony Mlekuz, Gavin Stephens! And a very special thanks goes out to Patrick Coppolino for hosting the night and keeping us rolling. The night would not have been the same without all of you! Who knows, there may be another comedy night in the works, so stay tuned!!